Ok. I know. I usually post on Tuesdays, not Mondays but here’s the thing…this does not seem to be my day. I just wanted to give you all a sneak peek into my not so fabulous start to the new year.
It’s all fun and games until the closet comes crashing down!
I was sitting on the couch and diddling on my phone when there was this loud crash. My first thought was “Oh my gosh, are the kids ok?” followed shortly by “What the heck was that?”
Turns out my closet gave up the ghost. What? My closet shelving now looks like a roller coaster. Yeah.
It’s not supposed to look like that!
It tore right off the wall! It’s not like I had a ton of stuff up there! I had a tote, my sewing box, a couple of button boxes, and a few various clothes. That’s it. Not much weight. I couldn’t believe it!
In my upset I texted my two friends, Jim, to let them know how the day was going. Jim #1 said not to worry, I could fix it. I could, but why, when I could just put in a work order? I don’t think I’m even supposed to fix it!
I still have not heard from Jim #2. Sigh 😔. Can I call it a day yet? Oh no, that’s right – my bed is covered in clothes from the closet that is no more!!! Ugh!
Tomorrow will be better! Tomorrow will be better! Tomorrow will be better! How many times do I have to say that before it happens?
I pray for a better tomorrow.
Actually, my closet concerns are nothing compared to my niece. As most of you know, my two nieces and nephew came from China where two of the three lived in pretty deplorable conditions. I am speaking of niece #2. She is a brilliant chess player, a beautiful, intelligent woman, with the sweetest nature. She came with spina biffida. For those of you who are not familiar with this condition, it means that she was born with her spine outside of her body. She struggles. Her latest surgery happened on the day before Thanksgiving. When it was over, she could no longer feel her legs or walk. She is in rehab and is working hard. There are some bright spots, but she still cannot walk. Please pray for her. She is only 18.
Thanks everyone! I’m sure it will get better. I’m just mired in it right now…all of it.
Sometimes the days are too long and we have trouble filling them with things that fill us.
If you are not ok (and that’s totally fine – I’ve been there.) please reach out for help. The holidays are a difficult time of year for a lot of people.
All of those lovely, feel-good holiday movies? They’re movies. They are not real life any more than you can expect Prince (or Princess) Charming on the 15th at 3 pm! They are a great escape. Nothing more.
So, if you’re not ok, that’s ok. I’ll pray for you as you search for help. I’ll offer resources for people who need it. Please get help. If you need it, it’s there. Even if you just want to talk. My comments are always open! Please take care!
Suicide Hotline: 988 (International)
LGBTQIA+ Suicide Hotline: 1-866-488-7386 (The Trevor Project)
I will preface this by saying that none of our days are “normal!” First, you must realize that my baseline is major stress and anxiety. Second, with the twins soon to be turning 18 and the freedoms that come with that age, I’m even more stressed! Oh, and we’re moving! Yeah…do you see now?
So, I started my morning by taking Child #3 to his highschool and dropping him off at 7 am. He likes to get there early to hang out with friends and get himself mentally prepared for the day. Okaaaay!
About an hour later, I pack up the rest of the crew and we head to Child #4’s highschool. When she is dropped off, Child #2 and I head over to the laundromat that’s in the same town as Child #4’s highschool and start our two large loads of laundry. This only after we have stopped by the library to drop off items with which we are finished.
As the clothes wash, I check my email and start this blog post. Child #2 works on Child #4’s birthday present for tomorrow. Next we will move the laundry to a large dryer and finish it. In the meantime, I will read my library book and Child #2 will hopefully finish Child #4’s birthday present.
After all of that, we will head to the big town, pick up some lunch, and start the weekly shopping. We have our list and are determined to get it all taken care of!
When we get home, hopefully the apartment maintenance guy has fixed whatever blue water is leaking from our light fixture in the bathroom. We should then be able to use the light in there to see rather than showering by tap light! Yeah. I’m living the dream!
Why is this liquid dripping from our light fixture?
At 8 pm I have a Young Living meeting about some relevant topic. I think we’re covering the immune system this time. Good info to have on hand! I will then go to bed, because I have no life and I’m boring!
So, there you have it – a typical, if not “normal” Thursday! I know you were all waiting for this post because I live such an interesting and amazing life!!! 🤪🤣🤣
It was my turn to cook our main lunch meal today. I had no idea what I was going to cook, but I shook the freezer (old family joke!) and pork chops fell out. Ok. So…a base of pork.
In the fruit bowl were a few apples that were needing to be used as well as some sweet potatoes that I had picked up a couple of weeks ago. Hmmm…fall food.
Seven apples, peeled, cored, and sliced!
I should have started by peeling and slicing the sweet potatoes into 1/4 inch rounds, but did I do that? No. That would have been smart!Â
Lay approximately 2 lbs. of pork chops over apples and sweet potatoes and season with salt, pepper, and granulated onion!
I started with a 9 x 13″ pan and covered it with long ends to spare in aluminum foil (so that I could cover the dish for cooking.) I sprayed it with my favorite gf non-stick cooking spray. You should peel the sweet potatoes, slicing them in 1/4 inch rounds.
Apples and sweet potatoes.
Lay the rounds on the foil and follow with the peeled and sliced apples. On top of all of that, place your pork chops. Season with 2 tsp. of granulated onion, 1 tsp. salt, and 1 tsp. black pepper.
All set for the oven!
Fold long ends of the foil over the pork chops, apples, and sweet potatoes. Bake at 250° F for three hours. Enjoy!
All done! The apples almost melted and made a lovely applesauce. The sweet potatoes were soft and delicious. The pork was melt in your mouth tender. Yum!
Oh, friends! It has been such a time for us! I’m so sorry that my blogging has taken such a back seat to my life, but, as you will learn, this is sometimes necessary.
Think what your actions do to others.
Last night I learned that Child #3 had relapsed big-time into a former, concerning behavior. He slashed the heck out of his entire stomach. This is what happens when children get overwhelmed with things beyond their power to control.
You don’t need a knife.
Child #3 has had a hard row to hoe. He is quite tall for our family, about 3 inches taller than even his twin! He also has no impulse control, especially when it comes to eating; it’s all or nothing. He sees himself as “different” from the remaining two sisters who live at home and me.
I will admit that his coloring is a bit different than mine and said two sisters. His skin is a bit lighter and his eyes are not brown. This is where the difference ends. As I have told him a million times, if you change the skin and eye color you are me! He doesn’t buy it.
Why would you hurt me? Why would I hurt me?
His mental health struggles set him apart too. He is the only one who has been to the psych ward; not once, but multiple times. He is the one on a special cocktail of medications for his multiple mental health needs. He is the child for whom I worry most.
The ex took a special dislike to Children #’s 1 and 3. The strange thing is that they are the children who have his family’s coloring! I keep thinking it must go back to how he was treated by his family or something. Not that it matters. It is what happened.
Now, Child #1 is strong and stubborn enough not to let her past dictate her future. Does she have mental health needs? Of course! We all do. However, she is strong and determined. She will be ok.
Child #3, however, is a different story. How would you feel if you were the twin that was the less-favored child (even if that was only your own perception?) If you hugged so hard that you nearly knocked people over as a child? If you had so much love to give that you couldn’t get it out and the person for whom you needed the most praise hated you? Even your own grandfather preferred your siblings?
That is the life he led. Child #3 was always free-spirited and did things his own way. For me, I was fascinated to see how his life would turn out. For David, and my dad, they hated the challenge and the difference. David took it out on the child. Dad tried, but I protected him.
In fact, right before my dad died, Child #3 had done something else to piss him off. I yelled at him “What do you want me to do, spank him?!!!” This had always been dad’s modus operandi. I refused to use violence on my children and it ticked Dad off. Too bad!
Hurting.
David, on the other hand, had no such compunction about the use of force. He was a violent, angry person who saw an easy mark in Child #3, when Child #1 was too strong for him in words. Such was Child #3’s life. I did what I could to protect him, but I failed.
So, Child #3 does not feel he is worthy of love, even though he knows we love him. This was brought to a head yesterday at school. One of his friends had said something that hurt his feelings, but he knew they didn’t mean it like it came out. Then, a boy Child #3 does not like, started filming Child #3 and a friend of his without their permission. Child #3 figured he would end up on social media as the fat kid. 😡
Sooooo…he cut. He used a piece of sharp plastic that he had broken for that sole purpose. He cut across his stomach because he hates it. He cut a lot, and though the wounds are not life threatening, the emotions behind them can not be denied. He is hurting. He feels alone, though he has many friends who love him at school. He knows what life was like before David left. He doesn’t trust men/boys easily. He doesn’t even always trust us.
Are you hurting yourself?
I am posting this today in the hopes that it will find others who feel alone. You are not alone. Let me say that again: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! If no one else loves you (which I completely doubt!) I love you. If you want prayers, I will pray for you. If you think God has abandoned you, know that He loves you more than any human being can and is waiting for you to seek Him. Just as I would rejoice to see my children come home, He will rejoice in your homecoming way more!
Reach out – you are loved.
You are loved. You are wanted. You are special and unique. You bring something to the world that no one else can. You are beautiful.
This is what we ate for Supper Lunch today. It looks so good, and it really was, if a bit labor intensive! Child #2 thought it was worth it. Then again, Child #2 wasn’t the one cooking!
I started with;
2 lbs. ground turkey
1 cup sorghum flour
1 Tbsp. granulated onion
1 Tbsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. finely ground fennel
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1 tsp. granulated garlic
This I mixed together in a metal mixing bowl. I then scooped it out into a hot, frying pan with about 2 Tbsp. of avocado (or other nice oil!) being careful not to crowd the pan with a large cookie scoop (about 1 Tbsp.)
Meatball cooking!
I cooked the meatballs until they were crispy on the outside. Then I carefully set them.on a sprayed, aluminum foil covered pan. When all three batches were done, I baked the meatballs at 350°F for half an hour,or until they test done with a meat thermometer.
So good!
Add meatballs to the bottom of your covered pot and cook on low with your favorite spaghetti sauce. While that is finishing up, make your garlic bread. I like to use store bought baguettes, split them in half and slather in lots of butter and minced garlic. Sprinkle the top with good parmesan cheese and bake at 350°F for 15 minutes. Enjoy!
As most of you know, I have an abusive ex-husband. I struggle daily with forgiveness and love for this individual. In my opinion, he doesn’t deserve it. Pure and simple. If it had just been his horrible treatment of me, maybe I could let it go. It wasn’t. He hurt our children. Not one or two, but all four. Deeply. So deeply that I don’t think some will ever be ok. How do you forgive that?
Then I went to Mass this morning. We heard about forgiveness, a common theme. I don’t hold grudges. Or do I? Father Hugh’s homily left me convicted. I was guilty.
I had been confident that I had turned my abuser over to God a long time ago. He’s God’s problem now, I liked to say. But was this true? Wasn’t he still my problem?
Didn’t I just want to send him flying less than a week ago? 😔
Wasn’t I still running from him? Scared to ever put down my real address and not the P.O. Box I rented to avoid having anyone know where exactly I was? Didn’t I flinch every time someone raised his voice or made a loud noise? Didn’t I start in shock every time I thought I saw him? How was that forgiveness?
Now, I’m not going to be stupid about it. I will still keep watch for myself and my family, but I am done otherwise. I will be proactive and take some self-defense classes. Not for him. For me and this dangerous world in which we live.
I will start praying for him more regularly, because, after all, he too is God’s beloved child. My judgement of him has no place anymore in my life. I would not want to be judged harshly by God as I have judged him.Â
His mistakes were many and very harmful, but what gives me the right to hold it against him for the rest of my life? Will it give me that time back? Will it take back the abuse? Will it heal me? No. It will only prolong it. It will fester inside of me, and in my children, if I can’t show them a better way; a holier way. Only God can heal me. I want to take those steps with Him.
Maybe someday, David will also take those steps with God. That is my hope and my prayer.
Do you have anything of which you are holding onto? What do you want on your soul at the judgement? Would God be pleased with you? Go forgive seventy times seven!
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