Mental Health Help

Oh, friends! It has been such a time for us! I’m so sorry that my blogging has taken such a back seat to my life, but, as you will learn, this is sometimes necessary.

Last night I learned that Child #3 had relapsed big-time into a former, concerning behavior. He slashed the heck out of his entire stomach. This is what happens when children get overwhelmed with things beyond their power to control.

Child #3 has had a hard row to hoe. He is quite tall for our family, about 3 inches taller than even his twin! He also has no impulse control, especially when it comes to eating; it’s all or nothing. He sees himself as “different” from the remaining two sisters who live at home and me.

I will admit that his coloring is a bit different than mine and said two sisters. His skin is a bit lighter and his eyes are not brown. This is where the difference ends. As I have told him a million times, if you change the skin and eye color you are me! He doesn’t buy it.

His mental health struggles set him apart too. He is the only one who has been to the psych ward; not once, but multiple times. He is the one on a special cocktail of medications for his multiple mental health needs. He is the child for whom I worry most.

The ex took a special dislike to Children #’s 1 and 3. The strange thing is that they are the children who have his family’s coloring! I keep thinking it must go back to how he was treated by his family or something. Not that it matters. It is what happened.

Now, Child #1 is strong and stubborn enough not to let her past dictate her future. Does she have mental health needs? Of course! We all do. However, she is strong and determined. She will be ok.

Child #3, however, is a different story. How would you feel if you were the twin that was the less-favored child (even if that was only your own perception?) If you hugged so hard that you nearly knocked people over as a child? If you had so much love to give that you couldn’t get it out and the person for whom you needed the most praise hated you? Even your own grandfather preferred your siblings?

That is the life he led. Child #3 was always free-spirited and did things his own way. For me, I was fascinated to see how his life would turn out. For David, and my dad, they hated the challenge and the difference. David took it out on the child. Dad tried, but I protected him.

In fact, right before my dad died, Child #3 had done something else to piss him off. I yelled at him “What do you want me to do, spank him?!!!” This had always been dad’s modus operandi. I refused to use violence on my children and it ticked Dad off. Too bad!

David, on the other hand, had no such compunction about the use of force. He was a violent, angry person who saw an easy mark in Child #3, when Child #1 was too strong for him in words. Such was Child #3’s life. I did what I could to protect him, but I failed.

So, Child #3 does not feel he is worthy of love, even though he knows we love him. This was brought to a head yesterday at school. One of his friends had said something that hurt his feelings, but he knew they didn’t mean it like it came out. Then, a boy Child #3 does not like, started filming Child #3 and a friend of his without their permission. Child #3 figured he would end up on social media as the fat kid. 😡

Sooooo…he cut. He used a piece of sharp plastic that he had broken for that sole purpose. He cut across his stomach because he hates it. He cut a lot, and though the wounds are not life threatening, the emotions behind them can not be denied. He is hurting. He feels alone, though he has many friends who love him at school. He knows what life was like before David left. He doesn’t trust men/boys easily. He doesn’t even always trust us.

I am posting this today in the hopes that it will find others who feel alone. You are not alone. Let me say that again: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! If no one else loves you (which I completely doubt!) I love you. If you want prayers, I will pray for you. If you think God has abandoned you, know that He loves you more than any human being can and is waiting for you to seek Him. Just as I would rejoice to see my children come home, He will rejoice in your homecoming way more!

You are loved. You are wanted. You are special and unique. You bring something to the world that no one else can. You are beautiful.