Being Catholic: A Little Thing about Divorce

If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you know that I am Roman Catholic. This is not a judgement on anyone (because, after all, who am I to judge?!!!) Just a statement of fact.

As a Catholic, you may wonder how I reconcile the fact of being divorced with my Catholic faith. Well, here’s the thing: Marriage is a not just a ceremony, but a Sacrament and not to be entered into lightly , which is why there are prep classes, etc. before you actually get married. This is why, as a general rule, divorce is not allowed. However, when there is abuse, that is not the same story. In actuality, my monsignor (that’s a step above priest) advised me to do just that! Shocked? Surprised?

Why this tangent today? Well…last week at Mass our regular priest had a well-deserved vacation. We had a lovely neighboring town priest with us and he brought his deacon (a step below the priesthood, where participants can be married if they came into the diaconate as married.) This was fine. At least we’d get Mass, which isn’t always guaranteed in our tiny parish!

However, once the deacon started his homily on the wonders of marriage (it was Father’s Day, after all!) and then about how children really need both parents, I about lost it. I was completely shaken, near tears, and then really angry when he poo-pooed single mothers! Excuse me?

Yes. I realize he did not know my story, but I was gobsmacked. So, I had a little chat with him after Mass and let him know that some single mothers are single because our husbands (who are supposed to love and care for us as we do them!) beat us! I didn’t get into the child abuse he perpetrated on our children. I just thought that I had said enough.

He said “I know.” and worked to console me, but I’m still struggling to forgive him. I know he’s happily married and I’m sure his marriage is strong and wonderful. I wanted that too. I wanted to raise my children with two loving, caring parents. I chose wrong, I guess. However, if not for the ex, I wouldn’t have these children, and I love them with all my heart.

I was so glad to have our regular priest and our deacon back this week. Father assured me that he has counseled many abused women to seek divorce too and that I hadn’t sinned in that regard. Yay! Whew! I wasn’t really worried that I had, as I had gotten divorced at monsignor’s insistence, but it’s nice to have it confirmed!

What is my point? Please don’t judge all of us Roman Catholics on the actions of a few. Remember that everyone is human and we all make mistakes (sometimes small ones like forgetting the melody to a hymn you’re supposed to lead. Woops! And sometimes much bigger ones.) You know, as followers of my blog, exactly how much I love and try to help all people. Everyone is welcome here. We are all sinners. Not one of us is better than another. We all have pain. We all have secrets. We all have sins. But God loves us all. We are His children. As much as I love my kids (though they tend to drive me crazier – I’m already crazy!) imagine how much more the Father loves us! Bask in that love and extend it to others.