Vindication…At Least For Now

I was once a strong 17-year-old woman who was the Concertmaster of her youth symphony. Who walked around with her head held high. Who owned whatever area she was in. I was the one they looked up to. I was the leader. I was the warrior.

Then I met David. He was wonderful to me. I felt so loved and cherished. Life was a fairytale. Move over, Disney! I had my own dreams to come true.

Then things changed. Our first child was born and I was tired and he was jealous of the time I spent with her (Child #1.) She wasn’t an easy baby. In fact, she spent the first few months of her life just trying to poop. Yeah. Charming. It was rough and we, as first time parents, were all but clueless. Thank God for Dr. Reyes, who was an absolute star when it came to babies!

Then a second daughter came along, as precocious Child #1 was begging for a sister! Sure, but Child #2 did not want to be smothered with kisses! She wanted to be left alone to watch and observe.

David did not improve with more children. In fact, his jealousy grew to the point where he would enjoy punishing Child #1, and on occasion, Child #2. All when I was out of the house, of course.

Then came the twins. I love my children dearly, but I nearly lost my mind with two babies, one toddler, and one school-aged child. David was no help. In fact, I prayed for him to be out of the house, where we could function better.

My entire life revolved around the children. I tried to spend time with my husband too, but he had abandoned us to alcohol and possibly drugs and wasn’t really there anymore except to hurt and torture.

I digress…what I was going to say was that yesterday we had a court date. I was applying for another restraining order since restraining orders in Wisconsin are four years at maximum. Then you have to go back to court and apply for a new restraining order.

I had no idea of this just three or so weeks ago when I went to a local domestic violence help place to fill out new paperwork. I assumed I could just extend the restraining order that I had. Nope.

They make you relive the trauma of the last two times he hurt you, fill that out on your paperwork and take it to the court. Then you sit in a common room as they present it to a judge and he or she decides whether to hear your case or not. When they decide that your case has merit, you are sent with copies in hand to the sheriff’s office. They will serve your ex.

Then you must take copies of the paperwork to the town police department where he lives and the town police department where you live, so that everyone is aware who you are and who he is. If this weren’t enough, then you must await your court date replaying the trauma on a constant loop in your mind.

I started to freak out when I realized I would have to sit across from him, traumatized, in the court while he stared daggers at me. Then, waited to see if I was with anyone or what vehicle was mine. So many opportunities for fear and torture in the future.

I became obsessed with avoiding him. I called the domestic violence place and asked for the advocate I had spoken to. She wasn’t in. I called a second time a few days later. She still wasn’t in. Then I called the court. I wanted to be able to appear over Zoom. I knew that in other cases, this had been ok’d.

It took $80 (plus a fee to use a debit card!) to have him served so that he would know that I would be appearing by phone (if approved by the court, which had yet to happen.) Geesh! But by that point, I didn’t care much. It was most important to keep me safe (and by extension, my children!)

So…what happened then? He didn’t show! Now, I can offer my opinions on why he didn’t show, but I’ll leave that to your imagination. Naah! Of course I’ll spill my thoughts! I think, when he got served the second batch of paperwork, he realized that I wouldn’t be there to intimidate. What’s the point of you can’t bully someone? What’s the point if you can’t make them tremble in fear?

It’s all mind games, right, David? It’s all about power and who has it, correct? That’s the thing, though! Only God should have the power! Stop trying to rule my world and my mind!

Now, I will fight to change the law. It’s archaic and barbaric that the state re-traumatizes the victims every four years. And that’s if you’re lucky! Some women only get two years!

You will never feel safe. You will never be able to move forward. You will never be done. That has got to change! It is unacceptable! I will be the difference! Will you stand with me?