What on earth am I talking about? Why, forgiveness, of course! How do you find the ability to forgive? Why can’t I just forgive and forget?
Well, for me, as possibly for you too, forgiveness is a process. I used to come down the front steps and hold onto the railing, getting irritated when the bottom left post wobbled. He put that in. Just another reason to be angry at him. (Like I need more!) Now, I choose to say that I forgive him every time it wobbles. Some day I will set some more concrete around the post and fix it, but for now it’s part of my forgiveness protocol.
Are you like me? Are you finding you have to forgive over and over? Have you ever been able to finally finish forgiving someone?
I would like to be finished forgiving, and I have made progress. I know that if I refuse to forgive, I’m only hurting myself, and by extension, my children. The object in need of my forgiveness doesn’t care whether I can forgive him or not. It doesn’t affect him. It only affects us.
I choose to forgive. I choose not to be angry and bitter. I choose to be there for my children. What about you?
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I agree with you, Forgiveness is an ongoing process!
I subscribe to the notion that we forgive so the person isn’t taking up valuable real-estate in our minds, but it in no way gives them permission to continue to hurt us, (that’s what boundaries are for!)
I just came face to face with needing to forgive when I had a difficult conversation with my brother about our mother. Even after all these years I still struggle, because I have been hitting and passing the milestone ages she was at when she perpetrated the things she did to us. While I shake my head and can’t imagine doing those things to my daughter or to my grandkids, I see through the hindsight lens just how damaged she was/still is and how her mental health was not in a good place.
It’s always comforting to remember that healthy people don’t hurt others, damaged people do. I believe that hearing that quote is one of the things which helps me on my forgiveness journey.
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