Finding HP

Where are you, dear child?

I have a problem. Well, let’s face it, I have many problems, but the one I’ve been contemplating a lot lately has to do with child #1. We had always had a great relationship, well we had our ups and downs, but we really connected, you know? This past Fall she went off to start her Senior year in college after having been at home since March because of COVID. It had been a long six months for all of us. We were no longer used to living together for more than a few weeks, other than Summer. COVID changed all of that and child #1 had to do online classes and then hang out at home for the Summer.

She has yet to get a license because of debilitating anxiety and so I get to play chauffeur. No one will hire her because of her lack of license and our tiny village does not have enough businesses to even consider.

So, Fall comes and, as many of you know child #3 had been gone for most of it due to mental health issues. I deliver child #1 to her dorm room and she refused my offer to help her move furniture and set up the space how she wants. I’m hurt, but I gracefully exit and make my way home, after a quick stop to cry and reset.

A few weeks go by, which isn’t unusual, and I send her a care package. I talk to her briefly after that and that’s it. No argument; not even a tiny disagreement.

After this she won’t pick up my calls or respond to messages, texts, or emails. I’m baffled. Eventually she lets child #2 know that she won’t be home for Thanksgiving. It is the first time we are not all together for the holiday and it only gets worse. She doesn’t come home for Christmas or New Years and none of us hear anything.

With COVID raging I just want to know my kid is still alive! I email her school, and they kindly do a well-person check. She is alive!

I mention this to a friend of mine, who thinks it’s cruel of her to do this. I agree. What happened to my child? When did I become the enemy? I was the good parent, darn it! So here is my official whining post. I miss my child. I will always love her and want her back. I guess I get now how God feels when we turn our backs on Him. He is, after all, our Father. So don’t do it! Run to the Father, not away!

Published by Rita

I am a single mother, a Christian, a writer, an abuse survivor, a reader, and a friend. I've wanted to be a writer my entire life and now here I am!

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