A Difficult Decision

I have made a difficult decision. My beautiful, tiny Church is opening for Mass tomorrow, Pentecost. I am torn by the indecision to go or not to go. On one hand, Mass has always been the best hour of my week. I love the prayers, the music, the homilies, everything, including seeing my neighbors.

But I’m scared. With my underlying conditions, if I contract COVID-19 I could be dead in a week and a half. It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I have a strong and abiding faith in God and while I’m far from perfect, Jesus is my three o’clock friend. What I mean by that is that I can call upon him in the middle of the night and He never gets mad. He’s just glad to hear from me, at whatever hour.

I am the choir director at our small church, yet we are not allowed to have a choir because of COVID-19. Even though these people are my friends and neighbors, it is still terrifying. Even if I didn’t have celiac disease, I still have two other risk factors, so no. I won’t do that to my children. My kids depend on me. As a single mom I am all they have. Two would be o.k., but two are far too young to lose me. So I can’t, in good conscience, risk it.

That is my final decision. It’s not that I don’t love God or my Church and don’t for one minute think that I won’t be praying and watching Mass on TV. I just can’t take the chance that I will get sick and my kids will lose even more than they already have. So I will make peace with it, and wish you all peace as well.

Published by Rita

I am a single mother, a Christian, a writer, an abuse survivor, a reader, and a friend. I've wanted to be a writer my entire life and now here I am!

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